Melodie Dawn Miller

Tag: farce

  • A satirical description of K. Marx School of Business, MBAC 61984 Course Syllabus

    Satire

    When did higher education become the enemy? This is a fictional breaking news release that relays the satirical course syllabus at a fictitious Marxist business school. This satire is written in response to commentaries claiming that Marxist culture is prevalent on U.S. college campuses.

    BREAKING NEWS: Underground Marxist School of Business syllabus discovered in bike satchel of arrested political dissident. Mother claims “Literary Theory and Critical Thinking studies are turning my child into a monster.” Infiltration of Marxism on college campuses proven.

    Course Syllabus

    MBAC 61984 Business Strategy – Innovative Management of “Profit and Means of Production”

    Restricted to The Vanguard members and Master of Business Administration Candidates dedicated to overthrowing the bourgeoisie capitalist class.

    Location: “SIBERIA, Gulag 13,” in the Basement of Hellems Arts and Science Building
    Class Time: 12:00 PM – 12:50 PM
    Instructor: Ivan T. Errible
    Office Hours: Mondays after dark
    Email: commi@KMSB.edu

    Instructors Statement: Class struggle between the bourgeoisie capitalist and the worker stands as an iconic representation of human existence as illustrated by the continuous battle concerning the owners of the means of production and the labor power. Marx tells us that “work, thrift and greed are […] (the capitalists) three cardinal virtues,”[1] and hording is their primary goal. Workers do not own the tools or means of production. Therefore, this is an essental element in gaining control of both the labor time and surplus labor time, stripping the bourgeoisie of charms of creating profit out of nothing.

    When the KMSB graduate worker emerges into the capitalistic business world, it may be difficult to find comrades in arms who will join the movement against the exploitation of the proletariat. However, as a future “leader” of the Vanguard,[2] it will become increasingly important to recognize the exploited workers through group meetings and demonstrate the opportunities by which the means of their profit can be reclaimed. This class intends to teach student comrades how to infiltrate privately owned enterprises, furthering the initial stage in the Vanguard movement.

    Upon graduation from this course, students will have the skills to influence workers actions by guiding them through the process of reclaiming the “Surplus Value” of their labor through transitioning privately owned tools and factories, to a lasting state-run, ruling proletarian party with nationalized ownership of the means of production

    This class intends to teach student comrades how to infiltrate privately owned enterprises, furthering the initial stage in the Vanguard movement. Upon graduation from this course, students will have the skills to influence workers actions by guiding them through the process of reclaiming the “Surplus Value” of their labor through transitioning privately owned tools and factories, to a lasting state-run, ruling proletarian party with nationalized ownership of the means of production.

    [1] Das Kapital, Vol 1, Part 1, Chapter 2

    [2] The Vanguard: the non-profit corporation of the KMSB proletariat movement, dedicated to avoiding taxes and operating with the use of free labor, donations from guilt ridden capitalists and state supported educational funding.

    You may find, at times, that the origins of your ivy league social class lingers and unduly attempts to influence your path, however, do not let these past systems of thought conflict with the goals of the Vanguard. The Vanguard recognizes that the organization of capitalism, as Marx tells us is “vampire-like ,(and) lives only by sucking living labor,”[1] therefore it seems to muddle the socialists thinking. Believe me when I say your role in the movement will put a stake through the heart of capitalism by expanding democratic centralism and rule by all.

    Additionally, through service to the philosophy of Marxism and the dictatorship of the proletariat, students in pursuit of eliminating growth and profit from the corporate structure will find this class leads to a full  understanding of how to take control of the means of production by the newly established worker run apparatus.

    Course Description: This course introduces students to the techniques of understanding reality, thoughts and emotions through the philosophy of Dialectical Materialism and the understanding of nature as a whole. Student struggles will be observed by the classroom collective and will be discussed in a joint ownership atmosphere with other students.

    This course may not be taken concurrently with MBAC 71984 or 81984 and may not be repeated. A grade of “D” or higher in MBAC 61984 is a prerequisite for subsequent advancement in the Vanguard movement.

    Required Texts and Materials:

    Karl Marx, Das Kapital (1867),Engles, Marx, Communist Manifesto (1848),Kim Jung-un, Perfect Brilliance: How to Starve the Populus to Garner Loyalty

    Office Hours: 1:30 am -4:30 am on Mondays located in Gulag 14, Hellems Basement (go down the east-west stairs until you reach the basement and turn left and walk in a circle until you hit the brick wall at the end of the hall). If you cannot make these hours, remember that increases in productivity results from cooperation, therefore these hours work for everyone.

    Grade Distribution:

    Agitating: 10%
    Participation / Dissent: 25%
    Book Burning: 40%
    Recruiting: 25%

    Course Requirements:

    Agitating Workshops: Probably the stuff you’re here for. We will perform agitating workshop readings, followed by play acting on a daily basis. You shall learn the exact words to use to gas light a crowd and cause law abiding citizens to act against their better judgement.

    Each workshop will be done in groups where individuals will receive constructive critique of their power of persuasion and each round’s requirements will be provide on the day of practice. The grades for these practice trainings will be based on how quickly a student can agitated another student.

    Participation / Dissent: You are required to do three participation and dissent activities and you will be given a chance to lead your own agitation rally. The length and location of the rally will be determined by the instructor. Whether the rally concerns disrupting the state apparatus or boycotting labor factories, dig in and try to find out what makes descension work. Do your best to be analytical. Outside academic cited sources should be used and are required.

    [1] Das Kapital, Vol 1, Part 3, Chapter 10

    Book Burnings: Most homework in this class will take the form of book burnings, particularly texts on democracy, freedom of speech, property ownership and voting rights. The specific book burnings will pertain to a counterrevolutionary piece we read that day. Your instructor may give you a creative prompt, something analytical to provide a catalyst for that day’s discussion and inspiration to begin the bonfire activities. I grade these activities on the basis of satisfactory completion of a collection of citywide book burning results.

    Recruiting Activities: At times we’ll practice recruiting activities in class, to mainly test a few strategies and get us into the mood for the next event. Occasionally you will be asked to take home and flesh out your strategies, in which case they ought to be planned in great detail and executed in secrecy.

    Final Portfolio: You will construct a final protest rally plan and recruit participants.

    Attendance, Punctuality and Late Work: Successful work in the K. Marx School of business is dependent upon regular recruitment of comrades to support the plight of the proletariat worker. Students who are unavoidably absent should make arrangements with the collective to make up the time missed. Failure to attend class and activities regularly may result in receipt of an F in a course and food sanctions for you and your family.

    Plagiarism: Everything you will need to know will be read in Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto whose texts are well known. Plagiarism is not possible when only two books exist.

    Policies, Accommodations for Disabilities: If you qualify for accommodations because of a disability, do not bother submitting an accommodation letter because it has already been predetermined that accommodations based on documented disabilities in the revolutionary environment automatically disqualify comrades from leading teams.

    Religious Holidays: God does not exist.

    Honor Code: All students enrolled in a KMBS course are responsible for knowing and adhering to the Honor Code of Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto. Violations of the policy may include: praying, reading other books, thinking your own thoughts, lying about your thoughts, not accepting a bribery offer, refusing to threaten new noncompliant recruits, unauthorized access to alternative reading materials, dishonest clicker fraud, executing the same or similar agitation rally’s in more than one city without permission from the course instructors and most importantly, an unwillingness to inform on personal friends who own the means of production.

    All incidents of misconduct will be reported to gulag guards who have a sixth-grade education and who happily bully any and all human beings, including women, children and infants.

    Students who are found responsible for violating the Das Kapital and the Communist Manifesto integrity policies will be subject to death by poison.

    Discrimination & Sexual Harassment: The KMSB remains committed to fostering intolerant acts of misconduct on the bourgeois class which includes assault, harassment, and stalking owners of means of labor. Individuals who believe they have been subject to retaliatory actions from a bourgeois owner of means of labor should report the incident to the Institutional Institute of Impartiality and Obedience (IIIO) and punitive action will be taken secretly in the dark of night.

    Class Schedule
    Subject to change based on classroom progress. Changes will be noted in class.

    Week One
    M. 8/27 – Introduction/Syllabus – Read syllabus out loud and sign a pledge of silence

    W. 8/29 – Direct Struggle
    Have Read: Marx Das Kapital, Section 1 (all), Section 2 (all)
    + Marx “Letter from Marx to Engels” (1867).
    + Anonymous Proletariat’s “Grief and How to Project Your Failings onto Others”

    F. 8/31 – Division of Labor
    Have Read: “Ford and the Assembly Line,” Chapter 3 (pg. 55-61) (Canvas)
    + Gehring, “The Use of Force and Dogma”
    + Stalin, “How to Talk to a Worker”

    Week Two
    M. 9/3 – LABOR DAY, NO CLASS, “The instrument of labor (in) the form of a machine […] becomes a competitor of the worker,”[1] therefore, burn a factory today.

    W. 9/5 – Production, Distribution and Consumption
    Have Read: Henry Ford’s, People as Machines, Chapter 6 (pg. 167-175)
    + Walt Disney, Building a Psychological Utopia, (How to fool all the people all of the time.)
    + Tolkien’s The Hobbit, Ch. 1 (How to recruit the unwilling with false promises.)

    F. 9/7 – Consumption
    Have Read: George Wallace’s “Incarnations of the Burned Worker” (179-181)
    + Poe’s “Tell Tale Heart,” (How to hide victims of book burnings.)

    Week Three
    M. 9/10 – The Antithesis of Use Value and Exchange Value
    Have Read: Hapsburg “The Czar’s Ghosts and their Jewels” (Lessons in how to use the trappings of the bourgeois to fund propaganda and agitation.)
    + Marx “The Poverty of Philosophy” (1847)

    W. 9/12 – Democratic Centralism
    Have Read: Das Kapital, Section 1 and 2, (again), (This is the most important page in the book.)
    + Poe’s “The Fall of the House of Usher,” (Lessons in how to drive bourgeois friend’s mad.)

    F. 9/14 – Workshop Preparation (Wear clothes and shoes you are willing to burn.)
    Turn in: FIRST BOOKBURNING REPORT

    [1] Das Kapital, Vol 1, Part 4, Chapter 15

    Week Four
    M. 9/17 – Religion and Wives Tales (Reasons to not waste time reflecting on spiritual ideals.)
    Have Read: Moscow Institute of Scientific Atheism, Chapter 9 (Pg. 1)

    + Lenin’s “How Religion Deprives People of “I” (Canvas)

    Week Five
    M. 9/24 – Group Agitation Workshop (Bring tools of disruption, e.g. baseball bats, hammers.)
    Have Read: Das Kapita,l Chapter 1, (again)

    +Kim Jong-un’s Propaganda and Misinformation Handbook
    Turn in: Agitation and Propaganda Rally Agenda, first draft

    FINALS WEEK
    Submit Agitation and Propaganda Rally Operation, final Time/Place TBD.

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